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Going out isn’t easy, now is it? The first time you leave the nest, as a parent, you worry. I remember sticking my head against the door for at least 10 minutes the first night I left Big with a sitter. Waiting to hear his cries. The Huz finally pulled me away from the door. And I turned my cell phone on full volume, staring at the phone the majority of that evening.
Of course, it was over 6 years ago that we first left Big with a sitter. We’ve had more sitters and nights out than I can count since then. And while its never easy to say “good-bye” to your kids, its gotten plenty easier.
Three years ago the Huz and I flew to Mexico. The boys stayed home with my sister while we enjoyed a second honeymoon. And it was hard. Forget hard. Difficult doesn’t even describe it. Leaving my babies was arduous, strenuous and onerous. And I mean of gargantuan proportions. I was a wreck. What if something went wrong? How horrible of a parent was I to be leaving?! The What ifs… they made me cry.
But we made it. The Huz had us bumped up to First Class. He got me a drink. Or two. We flew to Mexico. We tried to talk to the kids daily. They were fine, we were fine. And our trip was magical. Of course, the best part? Hugs and kisses when we returned home.
But this time. This time I’m leaving. On an airplane. To travel cross-country. Alone. (okay, with friends. but its not the same as when you can hug and hold your husband.) The What ifs have returned. Big time. I’m preparing. I’m writing step-by-step instructions for the sitter. I’ve been talking to the boys about my trip for weeks. I’m planning lots of cuddling time and loving time with all 3 of them, plus the Huz, before I leave.
He travels all the time. I feel guilty that I’m so nervous and I hate discussing these feelings with him. How can I tell him how terrified I am, and expect him to remain calm, while he’s packing for yet another business trip? How can I address my fears of leaving the kids? Its not that I’m nervous about leaving them with him. I’m certain he can handle the kids. He’s an amazing dad. And the time he’s at work, we have great sitters who the kids love. They’ll even spend time with their grandfather. They’ll hardly know I’m gone.
So, what scares me? Oh, come on. You know what I worry about. I worry about not being here for my kids in the future. I worry about missing out on something huge in their lives. I’ve never been afraid to fly. I went to school in Texas and my family was in Philadelphia. Flying came easy. Yet suddenly? I’m afraid to fly.
Tell me. Tell me please. How do you leave your children and not worry?
© 2010, Julie Meyers Pron. All rights reserved.
Ya know… I have never left my kid and went on an airplane…but I’ve left for overnight getaways without him. But I totally understand! I mean you have more than I do-so I can’t imagine!
One great thing about it though-you’ll be a better mom when you return. You’ll have gone and done something to fill you with accomplishment and enjoyment that is MUCH deserved!
Joey http://www.JoeyFortman.com
Twitter: centsiblelife
says:
I’ll hold your hand the whole time on the way there, and will buy you a stiff drink.
I was torn up about it too the first time I left-I was alone flying to meet my husband. It had been 10 years since I had gotten on a plane, and I was leaving them with my mom for 5 days. It HURT.
But now I’ve done it, and I realized I love to travel, and the kids are fine, and so am I.
Give them the extra cuddles and love, and know that you are an amazing mom.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Mom Monday- Aimless =-.
Twitter: DaddysToolbox
says:
I had written a totally different comment the other day, but lost it when power flickered in the office! EERRGGG!! anyway, I can totally relate. I just don’t like flying at all, probably the same way I feel when my wife or someone else is driving 70-80 MPH on the highway, I feel like I’m NOT in control and all the sudden moves freak me out. I’ve flown solo before when it was just me and the Mrs, pre-kid. Wife and I flew to Europe and back…I then flew one time on Father’s Day when my son was 2 yo and it was a lot harder and I think for the same reason as you state, “I worry about not being here for my kids in the future.” I think that is so common and I know that I would feel different if my entire family was on the same plane. My wife travels a lot for biz and has flown to India and China for work (after the kids were born). I’m not sure if she thought of anything while flying, I know she likes to sleep
It’s like anything, leaving the kids with the sitter the first time, taking them to school for the first time, it’s all pretty much the same.
You’ll be fine.
Twitter: justprecious
says:
Thanks you guys. Just keep telling me this again and again for the next several days, okay?
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Help me- I have separation anxiety =-.
Honestly, I think we all have these same feelings and thoughts. Some people hide them well, some are too busy to dwell on the thoughts, and some (like me) overprepare in a rush of nevous energy. I actually made out morning and evening routine posters, wrote up my “wish” list for the kiddo’s life (seriously, I was lame and Type-A about it). The good news is that in this instance, all of us #ymotherboard attendees understand; however, we also understand that this is a precious opportunity for uninterrupted worktime, sleep, socializing and FUN! Like my mom told me: time’s going to keep marching, so you can waste that flight worrying, or you can be productive and use it to your advantage. You’re not going to get that time back. So enjoy it
Kelly will make sure of that, I’m sure. I look forward to meeting you in person!!
.-= c2cmom´s last blog ..Spectacular Macys July 4th Aboard the Norwegian Epic Cruise Ship =-.
I blogged about this a few months ago when I was going to NYC without husband or kids for a writer’s conference. I was totally fixated on the plane crashing and me leaving all my kids motherless for a while, which I realize was just my way of projecting my anxiety over leaving them.
here’s the post: http://thehappiestmom.com/?p=1052
Can’t wait to meet you at Yahoo!
Oh my gosh thank you so much for posting on this. I am having the same issue
. Me and my husband leave for Europe in 5 weeks, and my son is not going with us. I know this is a trip of a lifetime and I should be so excited but I am so afraid that something is going to happen, that I won’t be here to see him grow up. This issue has consumed my mind for months and I cry constantly. I wouldn’t even be leaving him except we won the trip and it was only for 2. I have even got to the point of starting to write him a goodbye letter. I can’t really talk to my husband because he thinks i’m crazy. So I’m not sure if you have done your traveling or not yet, but I could really use some tips if you have. And if you haven’t, I definately wish you the best on your travels.
R
mommmi212003@yahoo.com
Twitter: justprecious
says:
Roni, I survived. Here’s my post: http://just-precious.com/2010/07/19/traveling-without-children-i-survived/ And be sure to check out all of the advice listed in the comments of this post, too.
Honestly, as much as I loved hearing everyone’s advice, nothing really helps until you’re done. And traveling home was MUCH easier than traveling away.
I DID write a letter to my kids before surgery (post on that will go up soon) because I had the same anxiety. And it fit helps you, do it. You’ll cry the whole time your write it, but it will definitely help you to know you’re doing all you can.
the night before I left I held each of my kids a little longer at bedtime. I told them that I was giving them special hugs to fill their hearts with my love. And that when I was away anytime they miss me, they can reach into their hearts to pull out some extra love. It actually helped me. One of the kids came downstairs an hour after bedtime, asking for more love in his heart. Of course, I obliged.
You’ll see in my other post (linked above) that I was running late for the airport, I overslept. I really think this was G-d’s way of helping me get through it. I didn’t have time to worry because I had to run through security and to the gate. I did bring my SD card full of pictures and looked at those as soon as they allowed us to turn on our electronics. And I teared up then.
You AREN’T crazy, even if your husband says you are. Men deal with these things differently. Just take comfort in knowing that so many other moms experience the same feelings (see all the comments above).
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Have a WONDERFUL trip and come back refreshed… and let me know how it goes!
.-= Just Precious´s last blog ..Create a Cyber-Safe Environment for Your Young Family =-.
Twitter: jolynnes
says:
I don’t worry, not much. I am good at playing those mind games: I’m safer in the air than driving my daughter to preschool… blah blah blah. And I do love my alone time.