All these bullying and wimpy kid stories have brought back quite a few teaching stories for me. Today, I want to tell you about Melvin*.

Melvin was a tall, African American boy. He transferred to our school in the middle of 3rd grade. He had a “tough guy” attitude and while I was often the teacher that most of the African American parents requested, he wasn’t in my room in fourth grade. I’ll admit to being pleased about that. Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to have known him at all.

But Melvin was a student in my low-level math class. He shouldn’t have been. He was smart. Smart enough to pick up new concepts and move forward with them, when he wanted. When he was encouraged. We talked about moving him to the middle class, but the support and attention he received in my smaller room made him thrive.

Was Melvin a bully?  No. Certainly not. He was in with the crowd. He intimidated plenty of the kids. He teased a bit. And rolled his eyes plenty. But did he deliberately go out and attack a kid? Never.

He was, however, a tough kid. He came from, in our affluent suburban community, the rough side of the tracks. In his home life, he put up with a different authority and discipline system than most of my other students.

On any given day, no matter how rough it was, I could find a smile, somewhere, within Melvin. But on a random Monday, Melvin entered my math class with a hat on. He looked down at the floor. He didn’t want to talk. The kids began their work and I approached Melvin, asking about his weekend. “Fine. Idonwannatalkaboutit.” I let it go.

But my co-teacher, the Learning Support specialist, Lori, who had several years seniority over me, walked in. She saw Melvin’s hat and was concerned about authority and respect. She asked him to remove his hat. He refused. She asked again, explaining it was disrespectful. He didn’t reply. She looked to me. I tried, really tried, to give her a look of “don’t” but either I didn’t convey it, or she didn’t want to hear it. Instead of quietly taking him aside, she continued to tell him to take off his hat. Before I knew it she was threatening to take him to the principal and tears were welling in his eyes.

I looked to her again. Pleading her not to push it. But, at this point, it was a battle of wills. And with a class of students, the teacher needed to win. She did. She threatened the principal again. She may have threatened recesss. I’m not sure.

Melvin took off his hat. The child had an Afro, over 6 inches from his head. He slumped in his chair, huge tears flowing slowly over his cheek.

I’ll never forget the look on Lori’s face. How her hands went up over her mouth, not to cover laughter or pity, but in shock as she realized what she had done. She, a loving teacher, had humiliated our student. She bullied him into doing something he so badly wanted to not do.

I took him into the hallway to talk, leaving her to teach the rest of the class period. He wore the hat for 3 more days until his mom had an opportunity to have his hair braided again.

Lori didn’t know. She didn’t mean to do what she did. She certainly never meant to bully the child. That experience taught me about sensitivity, errors in judgement and, maybe a little bit, about sticking up for those who are weak. I wish I had been able to that day.

Tonight, I searched Facebook for Melvin’s page. I couldn’t find it. I hope that he’s become find a strong-willed, polite leader. That’s the person that I always imagined he’d be.

As if one backpack wasn’t crazy enough, the Backpack bloggers now have a second backpack to give away on Just Precious! This time, we’re going to make the contest a bit lighter and brighter, just like Just Precious!

Have you heard about the contents of the Back to School Backpack? Its seriously overflowing. I mean, there’s just no way that the pack could fit all of the items we’re giving away.

So, what’s inside?

Fill the Backpack Contents

(note that the winner will receive just one of each of the items pictured, and either the Leap Frog Tag system OR the Leap Frog Explorer system.)

As a parent and former teacher, I was shocked this year by how anxious I was about Big entering first grade at a new school. Between meeting new friends (both him and me), a new teacher, and new expectations where no one knew him, it was scary!

Fortunately, this is Big’s 3rd day of school and he’s happy. His 1st grade teacher is wonderful and he’s making friends all the time. I loved how happy he was yesterday afternoon when he got off the bus. Its an amazing lift, seeing your child smile like that.

Middle started school yesterday and he was a bit more apprehensive. But once we were inside the classroom today, he was so excited to show me all the parts of the room that he learned the day before. Plus, there’s a Hamster in his Pre-K class, which will, hopefully, always be a draw for him.

And, amazingly, Little begins “school” tomorrow. We signed up for a Mommy and Me at our preschool and I’m so excited for her to interact with the other one-year-olds.

Having three kids in school is a big deal, you know? There is so  much to do and so much to organize and keep straight. I’m finding that switching to my phone calendar app hasn’t worked well for me because I really need to have it all mapped out in front of me. So, I’m switching back to a datebook calendar. Have you checked out the planner by Orange Circle Studio? There’s one in the backpack! Its ideal because it has a spot for 4 family members so you can keep everything separate.

This year, our preschool is hosting a learning series for parents. We’ll start with a wine and cheese and then one (or a few) of our parents will lead a workshop to introduce a hobby or skill that parents want to learn. Its a community building/fundraising project and I just can’t wait for our first evening. Our topic will be Back-to-School Organization, led by a parent who is a Professional Organizer. For all of my ideas that I’ve had and shared about getting organized in the past, I really need a workshop on this right now.

Since I have to wait 3 weeks until the workshop, I need to hear your tips and ideas right now. Do you have good products to suggest? Secrets that really need to be shared? What do you do to help your family stay organized? Share your ideas and you could win a Back to School Backpack!

Enter to win this fabulous backpack which has now been over-filled with goodies! To enter:

• Comment to this post, telling a back-to-school organization tip
• on twitter? retweet this post using the green retweet button below. I’ll receive notice that you retweeted, please do not reply about it here.

Want another chance to win? You can enter on the blogs of other Backpack Bloggers, too.

The winning entry will be selected via the contest commenter plugin for wordpress. Winners must be residents of the United States to win and will be contacted at the close of this contest, on September 9 at midnight EST. Winner will have 24 hours to reply to the e-mail announcing her win. If she does not respond within 24 hours, an alternate winner will be chosen.

This promotion is sponsored by Ziploc. There’s still time to enter at several other sites as well as Just Precious! Check out the Fill the Backpack webpage for more information.

I have to tell you, when I asked everyone to share their wimpy kid stories, I had no idea how depressing it would be. I thought, hey, the movie was cute, so this will be a very fun way to look back and laugh at ourselves and our youth. I hope that many of us were able.

But I can’t tell you the number of times that rocks in my stomach crashed and jerked. All the comments come through on e-mail for me so that I can approve them before posting them to my site. So for the past week I’ve been receiving e-mail after e-mail about people getting beaten up in bathrooms and after lunches, about moms forcing hair dos that embarrass kids, about teachers (albeit innocently) making comments that get kids laughed at, about nicknames and being singled out and being different. I read a comment from an 83 year old woman. 83 years old, and my giveaway made her dig up bad memories.

It hurts. I cried reading your comments. My eyes welled up several times and I found myself shaking my head time and again. Kids hurt. Kids are mean. And kids are sensitive, too.

And we’re sensitive. And we can’t forget that.

Bullying exists. It always will. As much as parents and schools and communities try to run programs to advise against it, you know what? Its still going to exist.  I’m not condoning it. But I certainly understand its out there and that, as a parent, its my responsibility to teach my kids how to handle it. How to politely excuse themselves from tough situations. And I want them to know that they should come to my husband and me to tell me about problems. I need them to feel comfortable enough. For them to know that, no matter what, I’ll listen and not judge. I’ll offer advice if they want it and I’ll help when they need it.

Parents, we should know that there are organizations available to help in cases of bullying. There are several bullying websites such as National Center for Bullying Prevention and Stop Bullying World Home. This article, Bullying throughout the Life Cycle, is a fantastic read for someone wanting to know the how’s, why’s and responses in the most basic of terms.

This weekend I was sharing my feelings about the comments I was reading with some friends. Melissa reminded me that her daughter was bullied last year on the bus. Bad. An older girl was really, really mean to Ellie, and Ellie was only in 1st grade. Melissa acted on it, contacted the principal and teacher and the principal was on top of it immediately. As she should be.

Beautifully, Ellie found the good in the girl.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry to all of you who dug down to enter a giveaway contest and brought back unwanted emotions. I feel absolutely terrible for that. I do hope that some of you were able to laugh. And that others took those emotions and grew from them.

Most important, I hope that you were able to look at your own children, or grandchildren, and tell them the story. Not to embarrass yourself. But to let them know that you’ve been there. And should they need it, you want to help them.

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When you applied for your first job or to college, it was simple. Type answers to simple questions on a typewriter, into the photocopied application. Pay for your scores to be sent to the college. Request letters of reference and recommendations sent with your application. Hand it in.

The Admissions officer’s or prospective employer’s job was a bit more difficult. He had to assess the answers you offered, read your essay, judge your letters of recommendation. Perhaps call your references. He had to do all of that before a decision was made.

Now? Now its much more simple. Now the first step to analyzing an application doesn’t include any reading or any phone calls. Now it includes a simple search. Googling an applicant’s name.

Try it. Google your own name. Google your son’s name. Study it. What do those first 10 listings represent? Your home page. Truly. A search on Google is now a person’s home page on the web.

Do you see a Facebook link? MySpace? An article from the local paper about last week’s inspirational touchdown your son scored? This is the same thing the admissions counselor or employer sees when he Googles your child’s name.

Can you click through and view the listing? Is the Facebook page hidden with privacy settings or open for viewers? Can you read your child’s status updates? So can the other readers. And would your child accept a stranger as a friend? Mine would.

Parents, please. Take the time to check what your child is sharing with the public. Express your concerns over not only his status on twitter last night, but over the responses his friend had. Explain that what is out in cyber space stays in cyber space.  It doesn’t go away. Its there. Forever. Modern technology has created biographies and memoirs of everyone. It allows for information sharing just was well as information availability. No one is a closed book anymore. We’re all searchable.

And that mistake your daughter made? The one she shared with her 287 best friends on Facebook? That mistake isn’t going anywhere. Its still listed in her twitter stream and can be read in her blog. She’s sharing herself with anyone who wants to listen.

There’s no taking back the mistake of forgetting to brush your teeth. And there’s no way to erase a defamatory comment about a peer. Its there. Its there to stay. You can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube. And you can’t erase the information you shared late last Thursday night in an online forum.

Parents, sit down with your children. Lead them in learning that there are consequences to all actions. Privacy is a privilege to be grasped and contained.

Its the first day of school, and I was reminded today of a conversation I overheard a year ago. A mom, met her child’s teacher before her child did.

“Oh! You have my son in your class this fall? Oh. We’ll talk. There’s a lot you need to know.”

Why? Why why why must parents do this? To their children and to their teachers? Do they not trust the teachers enough to bring their own experience to the classroom and to let it lead them in how they’ll approach their teaching?

Parents. Please. Let your child go to school as innocently. Your child may be totally different in school than he is at home. Or his chemistry with this year’s teacher and class will be different. Or maybe he just grew up this summer. No matter what. Whether he has the same mannerisms as you know or different ones, the teacher will let you know if there’s a concern. That’s a part of her job.

Parents, give your child a hug and let your child go today. Let him or her be himself and let the teacher and the classmates meet your child as he wants to be met. Please don’t taint your teachers with warnings and expectations.

Teachers are good people. They nurture. They know. They expect to learn about all the children in their class in the next few weeks. I promise, they’ll call or write if they have questions.

Note: this is not to say that parents of children with special needs should not address any outstanding issues with their teacher ahead of time. Its the little things like “Joey talks out of turn” or “Samantha and Riley really don’t like each other. They shouldn’t sit next to each other” that don’t need to be said to the teacher. Believe me. She knows.

Dear Just Precious,

I hear my daughter’s teacher is wonderful, and I want to make sure she knows that we’re excited to be in her class this year. I read that parents give gifts to their teachers on the first day. What should I give? What is the appropriate amount to spend?

I swear. Parents stress out over gifting… its not worth it. Really. Because, in a word, nothing. Give them nothing monetary on the first day of school. Give them a well-rested, well-fed, happy/nervous/curious/shy child and be a supportive parent and the teacher will be happy.

Here’s what you should consider:

On the first day of school your child’s teacher has about 23 new students to greet. She has 46 new hands to teach to wash and raise. She has 46 pairs of feet to remind not only not to run, but to walk in the right direction to the classroom or bathroom. She has 23 pairs of eyes to watch her as she stumbles and 23 pairs of ears who will hear her call Joey, Jason. She’s a wreck trying to just connect with her students and let them know that they all mean something to her.

She’s dying to get to know every child. She’s excited to welcome every child. (and every parent, sure.) But, really. You, the parent, you’re not her number one concern right now. So if you must go to the classroom (and I really do advise you against it unless your school encourages parents to take their students into the room to hug good-bye), do not do anything that would take the attention away from your child. Your child is what is important.

So why not send your child to school with a gift?

Think back to that teacher welcoming 23 new names with bright, shiny desks and 6 sharpened pencils in each pencil box. Imagine her having to show every child where his coat gets hung and what do do with his glue stick and tissue box. Imagine 23 children running up to you (the teacher) asking where the bathroom is and if he can borrow a book and what he should do next? Now. Imagine all that, in the first 2 minutes since the kids walk into the room, with a handful of gifts in your hands. Not a pretty sight, right? Not at all when you’re also dealing with a child in tears of nerves and another child frightened because his best friend from last year is across the hall. And then another little girl comes in and she doesn’t even belong in your room.

And all the teacher wants to do is hug these children and guide them. But she can’t. Because she has a handful of un-vased flowers and wrapped gifts and heavy books with big ribbons.

Still want to give a gift?

• Send a note on the second day, telling her what a great first day of school Sammy had and that you’re happy to help out around the room if she needs it, just call!
• Send a food tray (or home made desserts or a few pizzas) to the teachers’ room to welcome the staff back to school.

I’m not getting it, right? You really, really need to send a gift:

• Give your teacher a tiny bud vase with a single flower in it. Then, each Monday for the rest of the year send in a single flower to keep it fresh. (really, though, send the vase the 2nd week of school so this idea doesn’t overwhelm the teacher on the first day.)

Again, the most imporant things to send to school on the first day? A well-rested, well-fed, happy/nervous/sad/outgoing/shy/quiet/loud/confident child who knows that he has your love in his pocket. That. Is what a teacher wants most of all.

PTO crazies, I’m sure you agree. Its like this every year. Summer flies by and suddenly you’re hit by the realization that you have events to run in 2 weeks, and no one to run them.

No? You don’t? Well, then you’re lucky. Me? I’m busy. Last night I spent about 2 hours mapping out the year’s events on our calendar. Next, I contacted all of the people who had said they would be interested in running events and fundraisers to confirm their commitment. Most of them said yes. A few? Well, things change over the summer, right? So a few had to withdraw from their commitments (a nice way to say it, yes?) And, so, just like last year I pulled out my school directory and sent out an e-mail. It went something like this:

Aren’t you so lucky? See, I consider you my friend. And since we’re friends, you get to be bugged about helping out at school because I need help.

Yup. I just asked. And I asked about 20 people if they could fulfill about 10 spots. (Not everyone got back to me. Not everyone wanted to do it.)

The good news is that my next 3 events I now have committee chairs to run. The bad news? If I don’t fill the rest of the positions I”m going to be doing a lot of work this fall. And, you know what? I already do a lot of work.

Of course, we’re not finished yet. Yes, I have the committee chairs in place (for most of the events and fundraisers) but now I need to recruit volunteers to actually do the work.

At our school we do our sign-ups with paper and pencil. Which is great for a lot of our parents. But not all. There are those of us who are computer and social media minded and would love to run our sign-ups through a web-based application like Volunteer Spot. I spent some time playing around on Volunteer Spot this week and I can see how it would streamline the volunteer process, making it nice and organized. In my case, the challenge would be to get everyone to sign up and actually use it. But if a group is encouraged to be web-friendly, then Volunteer Spot is definitely something your PTO should consider.

This post is part of the Fill the Backpack program and is sponsored by Ziploc and 20th Century Fox.  Fill the Backpack is hosted by Volunteer Spot. Did you know I’m giving away one of 16 backpacks overflowing with great gifts like from companies like Leap Frog, Sun Maid and Carolina Pad? Enter to win by responding to my Fill the Backpack post by August 31.

Big starts 1st grade this month at a new school. He already knows a few of the kids, but he’s nervous, and so am I. I started first grade as a new student, too. I entered the room (mid-year) knowing no one. I remember my dad holding me as the teacher came over to greet me. And the next week, I sat in the front row with 10 new friends vying for my attention. Most of the class befriended me right away. Being new in school in first grade is cool. You’re exciting.

So why can’t I, as his parent, realize that he’ll be fine? Why am I so nervous? I recognize that its a good school. I know he’ll handle the academics. I suppose I just feel so many emotions of this big move from his private Pteschool & Kindergarten where we all felt so safe and coddled to a big building that is so unfamiliar. I feel nervous. I feel scared. Will they like me, as a parent? Will I be thought of as pushy? Smart? Helpful? Annoying?

I’ve written a lot in the past about teaching and PTOing and parenting. I’ve always written from the perspective of someone who’s been there, done that. But this is a totally new perspective. I’ve never walked Big to the busstop where he’ll ride with the 5th graders (will there be bullies?) I’ve never provided him with lunch money and asked him to make the right choices in his meals. I’ve never sent him into an unfamiliar hallway with an unfamiliar teacher and unfamiliar rules. What if I don’t like his classmates? What if I don’t like their moms? What if they don’t like me? What if I don’t have an opportunity to be involved in his school the way I am in the Preschool and Kindergarten? (hmph. Some may say that would be a good thing.)

Wait, really? I’m having the back to school jitters, as a parent? I’m feeling butterflies like I’ve never felt before. I didn’t get this way before Kindergarten. I felt so safe because we’d been there before.

And I know how scared he is. He’s talked about it with me, albeit briefly. He fully expects to have his best friend, who was also in his Kindergarten and preschool classes in his classroom. He’s worried he won’t. He’s worried about the building he doesn’t know and the friends he hasn’t met and the teacher he doesn’t have a name or a face for.

I have to be confident, for him. I have to hug him and tell him its fine to be nervous, that everything will be great. I have to show him how to be strong on his first day of school. I have to do this for him.

But in the meantime, for you, I’m sharing that I’m just as terrified. Maybe more.

This post is in response to the Y! Mother Board‘s August topic, Back to School. Read tips and suggestions about Back to School season at Yahoo! Shine. And make sure you enter the Fill the Backpack contest this week on Just Precious, as well as the other Fill the Backpack member’s sites to win one of 16 backpacks overpacked with $300 worth of prizes. Are you a teacher? A parent? An Administrator? Enter for an opportunity to win $500 towards your dream classroom.

My kids are hooked up. At ages 4 and 6, they enjoy websites such as Lego, Club Penguin and Starfall. They play games. They interact. They explore. Me? I’m around. I’m aware they’re on the computer. But I don’t sit next to them. I don’t play most of the games with them.

I try to check the websites they visit before they play. Try, of course, is the operative word because I know there are plenty of times that they find sites when I’m not available. And there are other times that I’m available, but glance up to see another animated game and say “oh. Okay. Enjoy.”

But as the kids grow, so do their online interests. It won’t be forever that they play games on Playhouse Disney and Nick Jr. They already know what it means to search. I’ve fed to them the idea that information is limitless and we should always search for more. We don’t use the term search. Like so many others, the word google has become a verb in my children’s vocabulary.

Have you tried it? Have you tried to google a common word? One like monster or toes. With most words you’ll come up with safe searches. Search “toilet” on Google and you’ll see images of a white toilet with links to toilet manufacturers. So the giggles of potty talk remain sweet giggles. But children giggle just as much about the word “toilet” as they do “penis” and “breast”. Google one of those words and you won’t be quite as calm about with the images appearing on your screen. Nor will you enjoy the links ranking highest and appearing on the first search page. While the kids initially giggled about the sound of the private word fairly innocently, their innocence is interrupted, all because of playful searching.

Cyber Safety discussions need to begin young. Very young. As soon as your child can control a smartphone or open the internet, young. We need to teach our children that computer use, cyber use, is a privilege, something they earn. They need to recognize that trust is something that must be earned, not handed out. And they must learn that family rules carry on at other people’s homes: just because Cameron is allowed to search google without a mommy present, doesn’t mean you are.

Bring all of this up and, of course, the questions will follow. Why, Mom? Be honest with your children. Let them know that the internet was created for adults who have the ability to make decisions. Tell them that there are images and links on the internet that aren’t for children. The world isn’t all a playground, after all.

Parental controls are available for both Macs and PCs. Parents, even parents of young children should  learn them and utilize them.  Find search engines like Yahoo! Kids, where human employees have checked every listed link and approved them for use of children ages 6-12. Create a family media plan relevant to the interests and beliefs of your family. Discuss this plan, write it together.

Most important, take interest in what your children are doing online. Ask about the games they play. Inquire as to how they feel when they play the games, when they experience success or defeat. Offer to play with your children. Open a dialogue in your home where your children want to discuss what they’re learning and doing.

Believe me. It’s better to know.

I was enlightened on Cyber Safety and parent involvement at the Y! Mother Board Summit, which Yahoo invited me to and paid for my attendance. The things I learned were life changing, and I learned how important it is to share it with my readers.

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American Girls Collection: help get her started with these beautiful books!

While I’m struggling with shopping for my soon-to-be one-year-old girl this week, I was asked for ideas of what to buy a 7-year-old girl.

True, I don’t have a 7-year-old girl, but between Big’s friends and the fact that I used to teach 7-year-olds, I figure I’m up for the challenge.

7-year-old girl birthday gift suggestions:

For girls who love reading, I always suggest going a little above their reading level so that they can grow into the books. The Ivy & Bean series is ideal because its about a 7-year-old girl. And don’t forget that most 7-year-old girls are just beginning to understand the American Girls Collection. You can help get her started with the American Girl Treasures Game or some of the first books like Felicity: An American Girl (American Girl) (The American Girls Collection). (I’m also a very big fan of Meet Addy: An American Girl (The American Girls Collection Book 1), for her courage in riding the freedom train without her father and brother. Its an amazing story that lends itself to a lot of discussion, as do all of the American Girl books.)

Enchanted Fairy Garden craft: great because it combines art and science

At 7, girls begin to become independent about style and design (if they haven’t already!), so shopping at a craft store like AC Moore or a craft section will usually yield a top present. Girls (and boys) can always benefit from additional craft supplies like markers, crayons and paper. Gift it in an organizer like this Square Stuff Bucket Pink with Pink by Neatnix and you’re set. When we’re gifting a girly-girl, I usually look for a jewelry making kit, like Alex Friend 2 Friend Friendship Bracelet Kit or Alex Friend 2 Friend Friendship Bracelet Kit (Sticky Mosaics by Orb Factory are fabulous gifts for boys and girls this age!) Or go for a crafting set like Enchanted Fairy Garden Kit which I love because it combines crafts, design and nature. (A science gift for a girl!)

Another nature/science gift that she’ll love is the Insect Lore Live Butterfly Garden.

Does the family celebrate Family Game Night? Really, whether they do or don’t, great games are always loved. Blue Orange Gobblet Gobblers has been a family favorite around here for a while, and now the kids are playing with their friends. I love it for the strategic thinking.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t suggest a little-girl spa certificate. Locally, we have Sweet & Sassy and Snip-Its.

Join in the conversation! What are some other great 7ish-year-old girl gifts?